From Couch Goblin to Good Boy: Small Wins for Bad Dogs
A totally reasonable guide to semi-taming your dog-shaped chaos machine.
Let’s be honest: you didn’t adopt a dog. You invited a tiny, furry agent of chaos into your home. One minute they’re melting hearts with big dumb eyes, the next they’re doing zoomies across your white couch with a stolen sock in their mouth and murder in their eyes.
We’re not judging. We love a little chaos. But if your dog’s hobbies include selective hearing, full-body tackling, and publicly embarrassing you at the park, it might be time for a few... upgrades.
The good news? You don’t need a full personality transplant (for you or the dog). Just some small wins that’ll help your goblin become a slightly better citizen of the world.
Win #1: Reward the Chill, Not the Chaos
You’ve been tricked. Every time you squeal, laugh, or chase them around for stealing your slipper, they’re taking notes: “Ah yes, the humans love this game.”
Start rewarding your dog for doing nothing, lounging, chilling, ignoring squirrels. If they’re being suspiciously calm, toss a treat or say something encouraging. Reinforce peace, not drama.
Win #2: Walk Like You’ve Got Somewhere to Be
If your walks feel like your dog’s taking you on a guided sniff tour of the neighborhood, congrats, you’re the intern. Reclaim your dignity.
Structured walks with a decent pace give your dog direction and purpose (and wear them out faster). Walk like you’ve got plans. Even if your only plan is cold brew and doomscrolling.
Win #3: Ditch the Treats (Sometimes)
Yes, treats are great. But not every win needs a dehydrated lamb liver.
Try real-life rewards: opening the door when they sit, letting them off leash after they check in, throwing the ball when they don’t act like a maniac. They’ll start realizing good behavior = access, freedom, and fun.
Win #4: Stop Talking So Much
We get it, your dog is your best friend and you’ve got a lot to say. But here’s the thing: dogs don’t speak fluent TED Talk.
They thrive on clarity and consistency. Keep cues short and sweet. Don’t say “Noooo, stop that, I told you yesterday not to chew that!” when a calm “Leave it” will do.
Win #5: Pick Your Battles — But Win Them
You don’t have to be a drill sergeant. But when you do draw a line, make sure your dog knows it’s real.
If “off the couch” is a rule, don’t let them sneak back up the second you leave the room. They’re not stupid, they’re just playing poker, and you keep folding.
Final Bark.
Your Dog’s Not Broken. They’re Just... a Lot
Raising a good dog isn’t about dominance or perfection. It’s about small, consistent wins that add up. And about laughing through the madness.
So give your goblin some structure. Reinforce the good. Ride out the chaos. And remember: every “bad” dog is just a legend in the making, with a little help (and maybe a Hoddogs harness).